Uh

We made it through the night with no incidents.   She is fine.  I am a paranoid freak.

Ugh.

She's laying on the wood floor and breathing heavier than usual.  I have my alarm set for 2hrs 30min from now so that I can get up and take her downstairs to pee, but how am I going to sleep till then? 

Just thinking

I am so grateful for blood donor dogs and their owners who allow them to be blood donors. I promise that if I ever have a bigger dog in the future I will try to get them in the donor program.

Fannie's donor dog's name this week was named Bianca. I wish I could write a thank you letter to Bianca and her owners.

I wonder what kind of dog Bianca is. I like to think she is a greyhound.

Happiness is a clean house and a dog with an appetite

Thru the stress and depression of the last week or so, our house had turned into a pig stye. Well no more. We spent most of today scrubbing showers and sweeping stairs and filing paperwork. And now things feel quite a bit better.

Doggie seems to be having another good day too. She spends most of her time in one spot, just observing. But she is taking an interest in things. Enough that she was up and around and underfoot a couple times while I was cleaning. I've never been so happy to trip over her. : )

And the roller coaster goes upppp......

After my last post my day took a miraculous turn for the better. Melissa & Ivo lent us their car so we could get Fannie to the vet & run errands. Getting dog to the vet in a car rather than carrying her a couple blocks through knee high snow to a cab is just... I can't even compare it. And later that day when I was in whole foods getting her herbal supplements to protect her liver and non toxic baby wipes to wipe her bottom after explosive diarrheas, I almost cried because I was so happy to be out and able to get these things. God I felt like I'd been wanting to get these things for so long, even if it'd only been a couple days. Seriously. So. Grateful. Thank you Melivo!

Oh. The vet visit!
Not really knowing where to park the car and in all the excitement we accidentally ended up at the vet an hour early. The office was oddly quiet and he was able to spend lots of time with us. I think they even did a biopsy of a lump on fannie's back for free, just to rule that out as a potential underlying cause. And for some weird reason when we got there Fannie became kind of peppy. She managed to make a fool of us in the best way by not doing the wheezing we wanted the Dr. to see, and eating like a freaking pig when he put some special food in front of her. And better yet - her red blood cell read at 18%! That's 1 point better than the day after her transfusion! Granted, there's a pretty big margin of error on these reads from what I understand, but at least it's no 13% like on Saturday. This meant no transfusion for now! Fannie gets to stay at home with us!

My poor baby has been poked by so many needles in the last 6 days it's just awful. Unless her behavior takes a sharp turn for the worse, she doesn't have to go back for a full week!

Her mood has been pretty good today. She's still pretty weak right now and she will be for a while, but today her tail has been wagging and she perks up when we're in the kitchen. She chows down on the hamburger & rice that I made for her. And her nose is getting a little more wet. She's started doing her downward dog stretches before we take her out, and the silly girl, in all her weakness still managed to climb all the way up to her favorite spot on the top of the back of the couch when we were gone.



Here's hoping this trend continues!

Thursday

Cannot stop crying. For every success story I read, I find 3 stories of terrible manifestations that play themselves out over the course of years and end with the death of the animal.

I can't believe this hasn't even been a week. I have to figure out how to be fully informed but not allow myself to be absorbed by this. It's so incredibly hard because the disease requires that you observe observe observe for every little fluctuation in her behavior.

I want to know what to expect. I'm terrified that this will drag on and on and fannie will spend more days feeling awful than feeling good. I'm worried that I will make the wrong decisions and try to prolong her life when it isn't worth living.

Anyhow, that doom and gloom aside, here's an update: This morning fannie couldn't hold it and she had an accident on the rug. This is expected. The medicines are going to make her have to pee constantly. Since she's too weak to get around much, I've been bringing her up and down the 3 flights of stairs with a small carrier that the neighbor lent us. It's been a lifesaver. As soon as we're able to get to a store I'm going to need to invest in one of these so that I can return this one.

A minute ago when I brought her upstairs I set the carrier down, unzipped it, and she just sat there for a few minutes, not wanting to stand up to walk out.

We have our next vet appointment at 4:20 today to check her blood levels. Good news would be that her levels have not dropped below 16. Anything lower than 15 would be stressful. Anything at about 13 or lower will probably mean she goes back to the hospital for another transfusion and has to be away from us for another couple days which is really hard on her. Based on the fact that the medicines haven't had much time to start working, and the rate at which her levels dropped from Saturday to Monday, I really expect her to have to go back for another transfusion soon.

I'm trying to mentally psyche myself up for the trek to the vet's office in a few hours.

Here is a picture of the front of our house yesterday morning. As of now, the street still hasn't been plowed and the city has no plans to clear our alley where our car is trapped.

Prognosis: Guarded

You know, I thought about writing some kind of disclaimer on these recent entries. But I won't. This is my blog. And I'll write obsessively about my dog if I want to. I don't even know if anyone reads blogs any more now that facebook has for the most part replaced them.

Anyway, spending the night away from Fannie during the worst snowstorm I've ever witnessed was incredibly hard. With wind gusts up to 60 mph I pictured my poor sick, weak baby fighting to stand up outside, let alone do her business in the blustery snow.

Today for most of the day we were literally snowed in. Our street was impassable and our car will most likely be stuck in the garage in the unplowed alley for days.

We were able to pick up Fannie from the hospital this afternoon. We headed out on foot and by train, and came home by cab. The 8 mile round trip took us 3 hours.

But now we're home.

Even though I feel a little trapped & helpless with no transportation and the state of things outside.

I don't know.

Right now she's laying next to me in her sweater to keep her warm since her blood won't really do that job right now. Her breathing is a little labored and I'm trying not to let that freak me out, because the vets told us that labored breathing is one of the signs of a blood clot, and that for the rest of her life Fannie is at a high risk of blood clots, which we would not be able to do much about... and ugh. That was a long sentence.

I've been reading everything I can on Fannie's disease. I want to be a realist, but I want to know for certain that I've done everything I can for her.

I can't believe she's on four different drugs right now. I hate to think she may have to be on them for the rest of her life.

I can't seem to come to terms with the fact that I'm probably going to lose her to this disease sooner or later. Zach seems to get upset when I talk like this, but I'm afraid of being delusional. I need to be prepared.

in-patient

On Sunday Fannie had lost all interest in eating and by Sunday night she was too weak to jump up on to our bed. Randomly her little legs would splay out on the wood floor like bambi on ice. By Monday afternoon I knew I didn't want to wait another 24 hours to take her in for her next checkup, so we brought her in after work.

I'm so glad we did that.

On Saturday her red blood cells were at 13%. By Monday they had dropped to 10%, which required a blood transfusion. At the emergency vet we learned a few more things:

1. Her bone marrow is still working, just not well enough. (That's relatively good news)
2. Fannie has a confirmed case of primary IMHA.
3. There's not an underlying cause. That's kind of harder news. If she had done something like eaten a penny or rat poison, we could've fixed her right up. Easy peasy. But this is not the case, and so it's going to be a trial & error roller coaster to get her back in working order.

She made it through the transfusion and her numbers are up to 17%. This is good. Now we wait to see if the medicines they give her will help her to maintain that level and get better.

Grout Licktenstein

Our baby is sick. We noticed she'd taken to obsessively licking the tile grout for the past week or two, and that didn't seem right, so we called the vet and they asked that we bring her in. Turns out Fannie is very very anemic and it's likely due to this blood disease:

Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia

Her red blood cell percent measured at 13% Saturday morning. For doggies, normal is about 40%. At about 10% they require dog blood transfusions. Basically, her immune system is attacking itself. It is confused and thinks that her red blood cells are bad. We've started her on an aggressive dose of steroids to suppress her immune system so that it might stop what it's doing. So far she's been lethargic & pretty much uninterested in eating. I hope that changes once the medicine starts working.

I spent much of yesterday crying, and most of today researching IMHA. From what I gather, the way she responds to the steroids over the next few days will make all the difference. I've read stories of doggies that make it a week, and stories of doggies that make it another 6 years after diagnosis. She may pull out of this and never ever need medicine again! Or she may need medicine for the rest of her life. Either way, we have an emotional roller coaster and some big vet bills ahead. She goes back to the vet on Tuesday at 5 to see if the medicines are working. Keep her in your thoughts.

Needless to say, I didn't get any GMAT studying in this weekend. So very sad.

beige

They recarpeted part of the office at work over the holiday and it smells fabulous. You know that new carpet smell? I remember going to carpet stores as a kid and oh man, all I ever wanted was to be let loose to play king of the mountain among those rolls and rolls set up like giant colorful log pyramids.

Goldfish brain.

I swear, I have the stupids today. And yesterday apparently.

Multiple times today I either called people to ask them the same questions twice, or just blanked on a conversation and told someone I didn't have an answer that, yes, I had been given. At about noon today a vendor called me and I got so excited, thinking "Whoa, he must be psychic - I actually need something from him! How did he know I needed to talk to him?" When I picked up the phone he said "Hey so I got the email you just sent me....." ??? How can I forget sending an email I had sent WITHIN THE HOUR? Seriously. Embarrassing.

And then it continues into the night.

I'm at home now. I just sat down to write an email to a friend to invite her over this weekend and when I filed through the gmail message threads, would you look at that - less than 24 hours ago I sent her a note just like the one I was drafting in my head. Thank God for email threads or I would've made yet another ass of myself.

: (

Either I'm too busy or I have some other issue. I'm too young for Alzheimer's, right?

I hope I only fed the dog once tonight.

downshifting

Hello blog. I miss you. The internet has changed. It stuffs my brain with short snippits of information multiple times a day now. I'm consuming more and receiving less nutritional value. I miss the solitude and quiet of simple information gathering on the internet a la 1998. Diaryland. Articles. Message boards that get updated only twice a day. With no flashing banner ads. Affording for time to think and absorb.

The solution is simple, I know: Choose the sites you visit differently.

Starting now, I'm going to start collection actual active blogs to add to my bookmarks. Blogs of people I truly care about. Blogs on subject matters that inspire me. Crafting blogs. Blogs of moms of newly adopted babies. Pages on the design aesthetics and user interfaces of automobile dashboards. You know. Things I actually care about.

And I'm gonna take a little break from facebook. Not talking facebook suicide. That's unnecessary in 99.9% of all cases. I think I need to just, you know, not visit for a while.

Facebook is fun. I like being able to keep up on folks while being ultimately lazy. I like living vicariously through other people's photos of their halloween parties and vacations and all that. But I feel all this has got me losing sight of the life I'm actually living. And the people and things that are within arm's reach. And it's got me losing sight of the life I want to live. With the hours I spend each week reading about the mundane things 247 other people are up to, I could be, oh I don't know. Doing stuff.

That said, I'm going to go head out to the fabric store for an A line skirt pattern.

Just testing out my new Picasa account. I don't know. Phones and computers think they're so smart these days, but I'm ready to strangle my new android phone because it keeps pulling everyone who's ever been copied or bccd on any email message that's ever come across my inbox, and it's putting them into my contact list. I never said I wanted a personal assistant, and now I've got an overzealous one and my relationship with my photos and information has just gotten crazy chaotic.

I'm gonna move to the country.

Anyway, we got this new lamp for $5 from our friend Sarah's garage sale this weekend. I think it goes just perfectly in our living room, don't you?



Update: Yeah, Picasa uploader didn't work so great. It right justified the picture and then made the text wrap around it so you were getting about 3 words per line. Again, thanks but no thanks, Google. You may be smart but you're not that smart yet.

Mental Health Day

Today I am staying home while an electrician installs my long awaited can lights on the first floor! Dude is incredibly hyper though. Every 15 minutes or so he breaks out into some sort of song. Currently singing to himself about how he has no one to talk to.

Anyhow, dog and I are camping out upstairs to stay out of his hair. I like this idea of taking a mental health day and just holing up in my bedroom. There's a lot I can get done up here, even with no electricity. I can organize my closet. Read cookbooks & plan food for the week. I can nap....

en france

Today we drove to the suburbs to return some tiles from our bathroom re-do and we passed a church that did this to all of their crab apple trees:



Like that boulevard in France. But one of the things I admire about crab apple trees is how spindly they are. Good climbing trees, you know. So this looks to me a little like putting a suit & tie on a monkey.

Oh look, the forecast has changed. : |

Really?

Gooses or not, I don't know when I'll stop thinking that Spring in the Midwest is whack. 64 on Friday and snow on Sunday?

honk honk

I know it's a sign of Fall when they're leaving, but I just heard some gooses fly over my house. Is it a sign of Spring when they're back?

I like saying that wrong. Gooses.

Man! I cannot wait for summer!

Good grief

I'm sitting at my desk jockeying spreadsheets, listening to my ipod, and the song from Dumbo came on... you know the one where he goes to visit momma in prison and she rocks him with her trunk through the bars.... "bayyybeee miiine.... don't you cryyyy....."

And it made me cry.

PMS anyone?



In other news - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BOO AND HIS SISTER! XOXOXO

Working long hours. Both of us are. Haven't taken time to go grocery shopping. I am so hungry right now I swear there are little burritos and crunchwrap supremes with wings circling my head. Only being home for 2 hrs before bedtime is the pits. Not having a car is the pits.

I am home alone in the new house for the very first time right now. It's a strange feeling. Like maybe I should check to see that someone isn't hiding upstairs. The dog isn't even here. She's still in Michigan with Gramma because we haven't had time to drive back to get her after our own vacation last weekend. We really really need a local dog sitter.

I'm stinking up the place with a sauteed cabbage thing I'm cooking. And I'm so allergic to raw vegetables these days that my hands are swollen and itchy from chopping up the cabbage. I really got screwed with these food allergies. Know what I especially miss? Banana bread.

NPR is playing some great stories and interviews for veterans day. Interviews with Navajo code talkers and things.

God I can't get this dishwasher thing right. I just forgot and washed all my cooking dishes by hand.

She hates the new place

In our new house. This is very hard. Dog makes it hard. Do you remember when we first got her and I actually considered giving her back because she lost her mind every time we left her alone? Well we're doing it all over again. Although at this point I'd rather give the condo back than the dog. We have to make this work. Today I had to leave work and come home because she wouldn't stop barking. Five hours straight she barked. I am so unhappy. Our new neighbors are probably equally unhappy. We've tried herbal things, diffusers, little devices that make an unpleasant sound every time she barks, and we tried skyping the dog from work. For the rest of the week we're paying $25 a day for freaking dog daycare, until the dog prozac can kick in. And if that doesn't work... I don't have a plan G.

Can anybody possibly dog sit on Saturday night so that we can go to a wedding?

This sucks. Sucks sucks sucks.

not gay

This room makes me want a baby. It even has our rocking chair. Or maybe it's just the wall color that I want. Or the Nelson pendant lamp. You don't have to have a baby in order to have a Nelson pendant lamp. But this sure would go nice with a baby.

gay

I just ordered a little fundraiser Xmas wreath for the door of our new place. I hope it smells good. I kind of felt obligated and oddly excited because I actually will have a house to put a wreath on. Next stop, ornamental geese with seasonal outfits.

salaried life

I've just worked 13.5 hours straight. I even worked through lunch. No wait, I took two breaks to take dog out to poop. So the question now is, do I stop and do something else other than work before going to bed? Or do I just call it a day? It is my bedtime after all.

I'm trying to just be cool about this. The major projects have due dates, and so that means an eventual end. So long as more don't show up before these are completed... By November I'll have a little time of normal 9-5 working and maybe 7 evenings in a row with my boo! In our new house!

I guess writing a blog entry counts as doing something other than working before going to bed.

current events

Current events, sometimes I can't keep up with you. Sometimes I don't want to.

I hope I hope I hope we don't get the Olympics.

or has the current swallowed you whole

I'm unhappy. This summer didn't feel like a summer. We never even made time to go scope out a wedding venue. This autumn is already fully booked. This year probably won't afford us time to go to the orchard. And work is swallowing me whole. Need to change something. Need to figure out what is within my control. I will probably delete this tomorrow.

Needs blinders

I think I have A.D.D.

1750 is Claimed

Apartment's rented. Hooray! We're happy it's going to our friend Rudy.
Now to get rid of all the furniture that's in it. Stand by for our virtual yard sale.

Need a cheap apartment?

We're trying to find a renter to take over our apartment. It's too good of a deal to just sick craigslist on it before first offering it to our friends, so:



More pictures here <-----

Specs:
- $800 +$50 for the garage
- 1750 Augusta @ Wood
- Available Nov 1st but you'd probably be able to start moving in a week or so before that.
- close to Division blue line stop
- equally close to Chicago bus
- close to I-94
- cat & dog friendly. Probably not for multiple dogs though. That would be pushing it.
- Building has 4 new coin operated commercial washers & 4 new dryers in the basement.

This place is best suited for a couple or a single person. Not really for 2 single people because the bathroom is attached to the larger bedroom, creating kind of a master suite, which has been awesome. 2nd bedroom becomes a guest bedroom / office. It's been really terrific for us for the past four years, but we've bought a place of our own. The landlords have been great and responsive over the years, so we're trying to help them find someone respectful & responsible to take our spot.

Also, if you're interested we'll leave:
- 2 window air conditioners
- the big bamboo rug
- dining room table & chairs
- the ikea wardrobe in the kitchen (it's kind of perfect for the spot it's in)
- all the curtains & blinds
- the spider plant that hangs in the living room (it's just real happy there)
- probably some other things, come to think of it

We'll be posting it on Craigslist Sept 15th and we expect it'll go pretty quickly, so if you or someone you know might be interested let us know asap & you can swing by to take a look at it. Thanks!

Hot dog

Hot dog.

Even with air conditioning. I wonder what dogs must think of days like this. Do they possibly think that we might have something to do with the temperature? Like maybe mom's chosen to make this a heat wave? I mean, afterall, dogs probably realize humans have the ability to make the environment loud or quiet by will, light or dark by will...

oh! zach's home!!

Claiming my half right down the middle

Here's the bed when Z is away. A little nest of books, magazines, computers & a totally immodest poodle. I sleep on his side when he's gone.

Need a kick

Woke up feeling kind of grumpy today. Z is away in Kalamazoo with his momma. But instead of using this gift of isolation to plow through our belongings and purge to reduce clutter & surprise daddy, dog and I have opted to lay in bed all morning. I mean, I guess it's only 10:00 still, but we're not feeling the smallest iota of inspiration. Come on come on come on....

Thank you, train

So bizzy. forgot to eat lunch today. but the train home is better. a place to sit still.

overheard on train as I wrote:
"You see his baby yet? Yeah I'm the godfather. ...What's that mean?"

Anyhow, dog and I are having a girls night tonight. What should we do?

pre-buyer's remorse

Getting bummed about this place. I don't want to end up paying Wicker Park prices for a Noble Square condo.
So tired. So bummed.

fragile

I have a summer cold. On Saturday morning I mistook it for a little hangover. But now it's Tuesday and I'm still feeling like my bones are made of a coral reef. All brittle and jagged-like. Sleeping under a tree sounds so much more ideal than sitting at a desk with no windows today.

Why I hate Critical Mass

Critical Mass has frustrated me for a long time. On the last Friday of every month I watch hordes of bicyclists ride through the city streets in numbers so vast as to block traffic for miles. While the initial concept is brilliant and the message is commendable, the participants are totally sabotaging their own message, and this is the reason I've always refused to participate.

As I stand on the sidelines each month and watch as cyclists ride by, flipping us off and doing wheelies, passive aggressively wishing us a happy Friday, I just want to hang my head. Never do I see anyone passing out fliers, or chanting or even hollering anything with the phrase "critical mass" or "bicycle awareness."

I listen like a fly on a wall to the bystanders and folks stuck in traffic, and NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE DOING. I hear people say things like "this must be some kind of club." Or "is this a parade?"

After they've all passed and traffic resumes its normal patterns people aren't left with the thought "Wow, there are a lot of bicyclists in the city. I should be more careful to watch for them and share the road." Nonono. Instead we all think, "Wow bicyclists sure are a pompous and rude group. If I had my way I'd run a couple of them over."

Honestly, how difficult would it be to pass out quarter page fliers explaining the movement, asking drivers to be more aware of cyclists, explain some bicycle laws, state some statistics on bike accidents.... Want me to put that together for you? Because I could. Really easily. Anyone could.

Now, I'm sure there are a handful we didn't see, but of the hundreds of people riding down Division street last night we saw ONE man toward the end of the ride, leaning into car windows to thank people for their patience & offering them baked goods. ?? Whatever. At least it was something.

It just frustrates me to no end that people have created this massive and powerful movement - A way to capture the attention of almost an entire city and broadcast what I think is a VERY important message, and they continue to squander this opportunity each and every month. And in multiple cities, apparently.

My point is that there needs to be more of an effort to communicate. You've got our attention. Now what? Have you forgotten what you're riding for, or do you just care more about causing a scene? To me it's a blatant example of the way Americans have forgotten how to effectively demonstrate because we've been so passive and/or contented for so long.

This really really bums me out. I hope someone can step in and redirect it before it's too late.

Which brings me to this, which I think is kind of excellent: Critical Manners

a minute to take it all in

My neighbor below is burning nag champa and it's floating up from her open window into ours. It's reminding me of the year I lived with the other andrea, the blue one, in that tiny dorm room. I like that. It's ridiculous that she lives in this city and I haven't yet seen her. Why don't I make time for these things?

Today Zach and I brought a pizza and our picnic blanket to the big park by our new house for dinner. We watched some dogs chase frisbees and some babies chase dogs.

Around 7:30, just before dusk, tons of seemingly little drunk birds started flying out from the top of the field house and fluttering about over the open field. After a while of watching, we were pretty sure they're not birds, but little bats, rather, coming out to catch their nightly bug dinners. Just like all those bats that fly out from under the bridge in Austin, TX in that huge spectacle every night. But much fewer.

Have I ever mentioned how much I like bats?

^v^

I bet they do this every evening. I can't wait to go back and watch for them.

I also noticed the clock tower (which you can hear from our new place when the windows are open) strikes every quarter hour. I am very excited about this. I can't wait to lay in bed half awake in the mornings and let the clock remind me that the day is ticking away. As long as I've lived in the city I've wanted to be by one of these clock towers.

But now, back in our little apartment, it's a quarter to midnight and we've laid out the aerobed to do a "camping night" in our living room. It's fun. Our house is trashed. It's an effort to pull out and purge the things we don't need before moving. Sleeping on a mattress in the middle of the living room floor kind of just goes with the chaos that is currently home.

redecorating

New wallpaper. Fun.

Man I'm so happy it's Friday. Weekends are so very important right now.

"someday we'll have our own"

We're still not out of atty review and the deal is pending some deck estimates and negotiation and ....sigh.. I hope I'm not jinxing us, but today we took our first official visit to Menards as pending homeowners. So exciting! I cannot wait to put this pretty door on the exit off the back! What color should we paint it?



I do think I might get a little over excited about doors. But honestly, I think a house can be great but if it has an ugly door, forget it. For so long I have wanted a pretty door on my house. I will be so happy to just put that door up and hang out on the couch and look at it for weeks. No other improvements will be necessary to make me happy.

Life is kind of off the hook right now. It'd take a lot of writing to lay it all out, and I've really not been in the mood, to tell you the truth. But here's one big thing:

We've bought a place!! We're still in Attorney's review & need to go through the inspection this week, and so we're not out of the woods just yet but we've bought a place!!!

We don't move until October 15, which is going to feel like eons, but we did this intentionally so that we can focus our attentions on some other, more important life matters over the upcoming weeks & months.

I'm fighting the buyer's remorse but honestly it isn't as bad as I'd expect it to be. After scouring the real estate listings & dragging our patient realtor around for eleven months, we're both very sure of this place. Let me tell you how weird it is to stand in the middle of someone else's bedroom and look at your dude and your realtor and "just know"... and know that they "just know" as well. This is it!

Let me tell you how good it feels to see Zach do a little dance about the back deck. Let me tell you how good it feels to know I'm not going into this alone.

This morning I was sorting files on my computer and found our list of must haves & nice to haves that we'd made out last November:

A LIST:
2 bedroom or possibility to convert to 2 bd
Parking
Sunlight
At least one bedroom big enough to able to walk around the bed (i.e 10ft or bigger)
Laundry or potential for laundry in unit


B LIST:
Little outdoor space
Trees outside
1.5 bath
Decent sized bathroom

& I guess the only thing we gave up is the trees.

Here's a picture of one end of that deck:






My own place to grow tomatoes!!!

Adding to my things to do before I die. Why I forgot about this I'm not sure:
Own a piano. A real, organic, non-portable piano. In a detached home.

So excited to go back to Michigan next weekend and play on a ski doo. We-heeeewww!

Spent the morning sewing. = bliss.
Dog does not like fireworks. Worse than last year.

Guitar lessons start on Wednesday! I'm nervous! I'm a nerd!

After playing for 13+ years, I just kind of put down the guitar. Not sure why. Life just got busy in different ways. It's been almost five years since then, and now when I pick up a guitar I just kind of stare at it.

But today I took the plunge and called a number on a flyer about guitar lessons. I'm nervous and essited. I've never been "formally" taught before. Maybe he'll make me do wacky exercises like scales and ugh theory.

I wonder if, as a grownup, I'll actually practice between music lessons. I never practiced piano. Or flute. Or organ.

It was a pretty flyer.

I hope he calls me back.

I awoke from a nightmare at 4am in which I was being chased by a bad government. I couldn't believe the dogs they were using could betray me.

Now I'm still laying here awake. I've got no real choice but to get on the sunrise express train. It's going to be a long day.

Giant pizza. Naoko visit. Dog slumber party. Waynes World. Flight 666. No work tomorrow. Yesss.

Nope. Mudhoney absolutely does not translate on youtube. The sound of a Superfuzz Big Muff doesn't make its way though the microphones on cameras in tact. Bummer dude. But I'm glad I remember the lyrics to Hate the Police.