Can someone please please redo this but pair it with the original hamsterdance song? Please!

It won't stop being funny!

Stop the presses. I actually just stopped working for a good half hour so I could read up on Sara Palin. I'm feeling mildly insulted by our general election politics. Here are some choice quotes from message boards of the past hour:

"According to Wikipedia she eats moose burgers."

"Twenty bucks says Lorne Michaels gets Tina Fey to play her on SNL. It's uncanny!"

"I'm looking at him right now, and I see perfection," Palin said. "Yeah, he has an extra chromosome. I keep thinking, in our world, what is normal and what is perfect?"
"Thank God he's not gay, amirite?" she added.

Biden is gonna have to work to win my interest after making a sports joke at the beginning of his speech last night. Really? I get enough of that in the real world.

Oh beauuuutiful for pilgrim's feet....

Gosh I just realized my blog is all babies lately. I swear to you I'm not all baby crazy. They just seem to be around. I still have plans. I still need to get to six flags and the grand canyon and that teepee motel on route 66.

Look at this picture of my friend's baby. There's a whole gallery of him and I'm laughing out loud he's so freaking cute. This is what you get when you cross a korean and a blonde girl, folks. : )

Today was very autumnal. But otherwise I can't really think of much. Walked through the day like a zombie. A bit hungover from the fresh airs, perhaps. More sleep might do me good. I'm feeling like I should be feeling more these days.

And my sentences are all out of order.

I had a dream last night that Prince was on Project Runway. And they had to make an outfit for him. But Prince was a very tiny ladyboy in the dream. As off the wall as this all seems, I suppose it's not all that far fetched.

2.5 more hours today. I'm so antsy to
get
outside.

I've been forgetting to post photos. The babies have moved here to Chicago, and Z has been testing out his camera. Here are my favorites:

This baby is stupid cute:



So is this one:



And this one:


Poor Fan. We found out she has a severe latex allergy after doctor Lia put a band-aid on her bare buns. Hence the lampshade.


And this... this picture was just taken because I liked the way the stripes on the paper folded together on the small box. Pretty presents are nice. Happy birthday Erica!



And this is a mischevious squirrel puss:



The rest of the photos are over here <---

Ew. Why is blogger making the photos all pixely when it resizes them? Barf! Like I have time to resize these things myself. But apparently if you want things done right you have to do it yourself.... waah waah waahh waah

Ladies and gentlemen, something to ease your mondays:

----> My favorite Onion article ever. <----

Puff puff!

YAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!! I can really tear it up sometimes!

I have to give a presentation tomorrow at the very end of the day. 4-5pm on a Friday. No one is going to want to be there. Including me. The presentation is for my boss, my boss' boss, and my boss' boss' boss. The premise of the presentation is essentially "What have you been doing since we hired you in April." I haven't been given much more to work off of other than that.

So I just finished a draft of my powerpoint presentation. I've filled it with statistics and cost savings and my proposals for process improvements. I dunno. Zach glazed over a little when I did a slide show for him. We're not allowed to use anything other than the company standard powerpoint format. It's blue on white with a logo. No beautiful gradients or transitions to distract you or even keep you awake for that matter.

Surprisingly, I'm not all that noivous. Admittedly I've got a few stumbling blocks that I kind of hope to breeze over, but... Maybe I should get all those ironed out before 4. How hard could it be to think straight for just a few hours longer?

I'm developing deep dark circles under mine eyes. Poop. No one wants to stand before their great grand boss looking like a meth addict.

Still, I don't know that I could really say I miss the days of spending hours surfing the web to fill my time.

To make matters worse, both of my shoes have started making realistic fart noises with each step I take.

I am so inordinately crabby this morning. The girl next to me is crunching loudly and people are asking me for things. UGH. For the love of God, is that necessary? You really need things from me?

I got a tetanus shot yesterday at my physical and now I feel like some flu bugs got on there with the needle. Meh. I'm going to bed early. The weather is beautiful tonight and there's a window open right over our bed. It's starting to feel like autumn already.

With my luck I'll wake up tomorrow with a stiff neck AND a sore bicep.

Remember the episode of the Simpsons when Bart got a tattoo?
"Ow" "Quit it" "Ow" "Quit it" "Ow" "Quit it"

It's kind of fun to write the date on things today.

squaw piss

Greetings from Chippewa Falls Wisconsin. I'm in a plant with no windows and my body doesn't know whether it's 5am or 5pm. People talk about the Green Bay Packers a whole lot up here. They also use the words "gosh" and "darn". Tomorrow I might get to go on a brewery tour before we head home.

I really really really want to complain about how exhausted I am, and how much administrative crap work I have to do tonight, and how I'm skipping dinner to do so, and how just totally wack wrong the world has been going lately.

But I won't.

Instead I'll tell you that if I finish my work before 11 tonight, I'm going swimming in the hotel pool.

And skipping dinner isn't all that bad, as I've been eating nothing but junk and animal parts for days and a fast could really make me feel better.

Is Mercury in retrograde, by chance?

I love it when they have the same soup in the cafeteria two days in a row. That is how soup is supposed to be eaten. Over time.

I feel like poo because of allergies. Fannie is feeling worse because of allergies. Fortuntately she doesn't have many responsibilities.

well dang

This is my first night alone in the apartment in years. Literally. And I started the night not knowing what to do with myself. I took a shower. Did my hair for no reason. Did my toes. Gave the dog half a haircut.

And then it started storming. Like serious storming. Wind was pushing on all of the closed doors like big scary men trying to get in at us. And the dog went in circles with her tail between her legs. And the storm sirens were going off. And then it started to to pour. Torrentially. I mean, my computer was laying five feet from an open window for thirty seconds and had to be toweled off. Now my space bar is sticking.

So yeah. Lots of rain, and circling dog, storm sirens, car alarms. And I can't get a single radio in the house to pick up AM stations. But from the cable that kept going in and out we were able to see that the tornado was up in Rogers Park.... and then we were able to find out when we were safe. It's a good thing we dodged it because the dog and I couldn't find our basement keys.

God. And to think I was worried about a spider showing up in the apartment while Zach was away.

We're babysitting. This is the easy part because they're in bed. Today we taught them about the wonders of pizza, and Babe, and Woody Guthrie and glitter nail polish and gumby. I also taught Lia how to make a letter A. This means she can now write her own name. It might take some more practice, because more often than not they come out as H. But overall she seemed pretty pleased.

Here is a story she wrote on my laptop today:

ouuiihgugufuyryeuerutyt767685556769ollkjjhhgfdasa4trryuioop[teeww4ewrsdxzzty6yyyw8w8w8w8w8w7wwwjouuuixucvvvvbzsay7ss4ytfgmgryuy5errr8u3heyeyeyeyeyeyyeyeeyyyywywywgwhbbcbvvn,cmmcnmlfyyteswee5reeszxcvbb335werrekmbn6eyytrer766r4rrtyy7ywwwitittititi86i55i6i686ijghjjfjdhdherk58i9y96ruruttutirirut6i668y8turururueuttttttyuijiiugbh nmmjkkllkkjjjyyytrrfghjjklllllllhjhhgfffddsaerttpoiuyytrrewqasdfghjkk;;'zxcvfvg66eeeeee45ewqwerrttt5r4833737363673383837737337yeygfhhdvdbddvccvxcxxsdtwteeteteteetetete3trreedddawwdasdfghjklkl-0987776666655544443332211qqwweeerrtttttyyyuuuiiopp,,mmjuu77666hhhdewiooiujueeeereqqee5r66tttgyqqzzzzxxxcccvvvbbnmm,..//ttcr79888789uu9o[ihi900000000000000000000000;iii99h,,rr33334343343434343436w55ww55555ww5w5w5w5w5w5w5
frrrfffefee4ry77eeereeeeeerrr4rrt5rtrrereewweess

I'm wearing an actual dress at work today and I feel like I'm in Mad Men.
Also, ladies, hear this: Old timey full slips are the new Spanx. So much more comfortable. We need not torture ourselves. At least not all the time.

Today was also murder.
But, also, it was pay day.

Man. Today was murder. People arguing with one another about who's work I would be doing first. My psyche hurts. I'm going to go get into bed and watch the first half of Harold & Maude.

Earthquake photo #1: on CNN



I don't get it.
It's a beverage aisle.
Why is it full of fallen t.p.?

STAGED!

Actually looks kind of fun.
I would like to pounce.
Pounce pounce.

yay yay yay I got a big black shirt today! Well, ordered it, anyway.

No sir, I am not rapping.

As morbid as it might be, this is a really funny anti-fur ad done by Sheryl Lee (aka Laura Palmer).



I mean, after playing a dead girl in a two season television series and a full length movie, what else can you do with your career? Even if you were a good actress. Lucky for Kevin Kostner, they never did show his face when he played the dead guy in the Big Chill.

It's ten o'clock and I still can't seem to shake sleepiness. I've gotten a lot done so far this morning, but it's a struggle. I'm, for the most part, sleepwalking. So bizzarro. Wake up!!

In other news, man, corgies.

Last night I dreamed I was trapped in this town. Shudder.

We're heading out to lovely Kalamazoo soon for the weekend to see Moms and Naokos. We're staying in a hotel that allows dogs and has a swimming pool. I'm pumped.

I know it's weird....

...but how weird is it?

I love Ida Pearle's art. The web doesn't do it any justice. Not at all. It's all made of individual pieces of fabric and paper. And I could stare at it in person for hours. I went to one of her shows in New York and was able to stare at each piece up close. This montage of baby bunny's arrival (which was made for Dan Littleton and Elizabeth Mitchell) made me cry. No lies.

(click to see a little bigger - but definitely not big enough)

What's weird is that I'm tempted to buy this set of alphabet cards for any future baby's bedroom:

http://www.idapearle.com/g-full-13.html

Future my baby. That's what's weird. Thinking of buying something for someone who may not even ever exist. Is that crazy or do women actually start doing this kind of thing when we reach a certain point? It's just that I love Ida Pearle's stuff so much... and this is twenty six different pictures! And it's affordable - even if it is just prints. There are so many things to stare at on these images, I don't think I would ever get tired of them if I were a little one.

Maybe I could just get it for my room. Even though I already know my alphabet pretty well.

Apparently I left my instant messaging logged in yesterday when I left work. I came in this morning to a rant from someone, chewing me out for not responding to them. Calling me shallow, etc. The rant ends with "goodbye for good."

Oops.

Guess I should remember to sign out of my instant messaging when I'm gone. Could maybe give people the wrong impression.

In lighter news, I dreamed last night that I was trying on wigs with Amy Winehouse. It was a good time. I prefer white wigs, myself. I felt they looked best on me. And on Amy.

We have a soft new rug. and Picante. And AC. And Army of Darkness is on On Demand. This is one fine evening.

Did you know that in Japan, Army of Darkness is called "Captain Supermarket?" They really have a way of coming up with much better movie titles. I heard once that the film "Nixon" was put out in Japan under the title "That Dirty Bastard." Although the internet is not confirming this for me. I like to believe it's true.

Worst night sleep ever. I'm in pain already.

Love me some dystopian sci-fi on a Sunday afternoon

I had a little too much caffeine this morning sans food and got myself all crazy. Organized my sock drawer. Flopped on the bed and speed read pages of Salinger's dialogue-only writing. And the speed at which I read it made the characters sound like maniacs. Then again, most of his characters are maniacs, aren't they?

Cleaned the house.
Pulled out old Polvo cassettes. The tapes are showing their half life in terms of quality of sound.

Then Z took me to see Wall-E tonight. Maybe he was tired of my pacing. It was good. Pretty much a children's version of Idiocracy with too many parallels to bother referencing. And minus the hooker. And a dang lot more cute overall. My favorite part is near the very end when the cockroach jumps for joy. Yeah. I'd pretty much clap and drool a that part if I didn't mind my senses. Thanks for the reccos, friends.

Unrelated. It's warm. And my body is making a kind of b.o. of summers way past. Just a different uh.. timbre, if you will. I think this is what I used to smell like when I was twenty. Zach is equating it to the fact that I ate a giant (i mean biiiigg) cheezeberger (and by that I mean real cow) in the midst of a hangover Saturday morning. Fortunately my conscience was still sleeping. Do vegetarian armpits smell different than those of omnivores?

If my brother's going to call me a hippie I may as well live up to it. Not with the cheeseburger part, but ... Smell me.

Forgot to call my grandma for her birthday again. I think I've remembered maybe one in thirty. Sigh.

Mom, aren't you proud of me?

I'm letting my hair grow out again. I have a feeling. This time it's going to be different.

I did so much in my dreams last night that I kind of feel justified in sitting around all morning.

What up this beautiful Sunday, Chicago?

Just gave the dog a haircut.  She looks silly.  We have one of those clear canister "bagless" vacuums and it looks like a second dog is trapped inside it now.   

Brother and the babies are in town tonight.  Kind of sitting around waiting for a call back.  Thinking we might not see them after all this evening.  He has a tendency to not call and let me know what's going on.  Kind of like how I apparently have a tendency to never thank him for dinners.  But, I guess, dude, he's my brother.  We're not even *supposed* to be polite to one another.  We should be happy if the other cares so much as to sit on us and fart.  Like old times.

As soon as we know for certain that those plans fell through, we'll head over to Stringbot's house warming party.  I'm feeling kind of terrified because I know we won't know anyone there.  Not real confident in my social skills as of late - even with people I do know.  Might have something to do with the fact that I don't have anything to talk about other than the tv shows I watch, the books I read, the train ride to work, the spreadsheets I spend my days studying.  Train ride to work is maybe the most exciting.  

Yeah.  I think I need to quickly either a) start studying for the GMAT so that I can maybe go back to school.   b) sign up for some guitar lessons with Rockin' Billy down the street.    The latter would be less expensive in the long run.   The thirties are turning out to be kind of boring.  Lately, at least.

Yawn.

Hello. It's Tuesday night. It's technically bedtime but I'm not quite ready to commit to that just yet. Messing with my dietary habits and I've got an uneasy feeling that I haven't gotten my nutrients right yet for the day. Protein, check. Calcium, check. Fiber - does a bag of salad contain much fiber? What about whole grain bread? Also worried I might be giving myself gas.

[later]

Whatever I was writing about seems trivial after the scooter accident that just occurred on the street below our apartment. The flashing lights of fire trucks and ambulances can instantly quiet a city street at night. Seems everyone's going to be okay.

Confession:

I finished the Of Mice and Men audio book on my way home from work today. And then I sat in my car in crawling traffic, sobbing for a good half hour. Folks in cars next to me ought to have thought I was nuts. Or going through a breakup. Or was maybe really really ill prepared for Chicago traffic. Now I just have a headache.

Glad I didn't know that John Malkovich was cast as Lennie in the film. It might've been harder to muster up that reaction otherwise. I just... Hm.

Every book I've been reading lately ends up being about suicide or death of some other sort in the end.

I do, however, like that when you run a google image search on the title this picture comes up:



Great, right?

Smoove Sailing

I rode my bike to the metra this morning. Bright and early. There is almost no one out driving at 6am. Odd. Just me and the birds. And the scurrying rats. But the lack of traffic won't convince me to ride on the main streets. Heck no. It's strictly up and down the tree-lined side streets for me. And that's a pretty nice start to the day.

tick tock

Got some serious ants in my pants today. Can't wait to get on the bus... to the train.. So that I can sew or take a nap... . and then get home to me bebes.... and see my bike now that they've spent the day fixing it up for me! And take it to the happy village over yonder..... For it is really late June already!

It's already Thursday

This is great. I have sweet potato chips from the cafeteria. As in potato chips made of sweet potatoes. Despite the fact that my productivity level is low today, I'd say things are currently pretty good.

I never thought it could happen to me

Oh no. I've suddenly got iPhone fever. Make it stop!

I'm tired of the whining. But maybe I'm part of a minority. To quote members of that minority

"Everyone seems to think it's their God-given right to have $3/gallon of gas."

And another:

"This is not a renewable resource. People pay more for Pepsi and you don't hear them complaining about that."

But I suppose whining about whining isn't going to further anything. And whining about anything is not going to stop the churn of supply and demand.

I was curious and did a google search to look at some relational charts. I don't remember what the price was when I was in high school, but I do remember stopping once to put 87 cents in my tank in hopes of getting home. Ah to be young and carefree and relatively stupid.

Oh, heres a chart of a dude's gas purchase prices over the course of my lifetime:



And the dude's little page here: http://www.randomuseless.info/gasprice/gasprice.html

I have to go to a meeting now. Later.

I always just want to go back to bed.

Man. I'm in a really great mood.

New couch is here. It's nice, but weird. I have a problem with buyer's remorse. Always. When I got home I sat down on it for a few minutes and then got up and began moving all the furniture around to try to make things look more "correct."

After a while of that, I decided I was too stressed and needed to take a break. After said break, we came back and put everything right back where it was when we started.

I suppose I just have a hard time jumping with both feet. Or maybe it's that my feet take longer than usual to warm up.

When I bought my television I hemmed and hawed about it for weeks and even kept the box it came in, before I realized it'd be too much work to take it down the stairs and back to the store if I did change my mind.

Even when we first got Fannie I remember looking at the animal in the back seat of the car on the ride back into the city, thinking "....did I make the right decision?"

Don't ever tell her that though.

And in time, I've grown to love my television and my shit-poo. At this point I couldn't imagine having any other dog but her.

And in time, I suppose I'll get used to this couch.

There really is nothing wrong with it.

It's just... different.

Breathe.

My boss's little girl's name is Camden Marshall. That's a really fantastic name, I think. As a whole it sounds so official. So important. Like someone who should be part of the Daughters of the American Revolution. Yet good for a little girl. If not a little yuppie. There's a picture of her on his desk. She's wearing a tap costume with lots of dark feathers and fuzz. I believe she's supposed to be the lion from the Wizard of Oz. In meetings I stare past him at the framed picture of this little girl with wiskers. I swear I would squeeze her. Is this inappropriate? I hope not.

Okay okay. Lions. Not tigers. Tiger have stripes. Anyhow, they're in a cute sleeping position right now. You can tell momma feels confident and safe in captivity.



We have no couch. Two girls came and took stay puft away last week. We thought it would be kind of fun to camp out in our living room with no couch for a while. But as an actual practice, it sucks. It's made for a tough weekend for staying awake. I get tired of sitting indian style on the floor in front of the television and go lay down on the bed to read a book and ....zzzzzz....

I've taken so many accidental naps this weekend.

Look! One of the bebes has crawled up onto momma's tummy and is trying to nurse:



Bath time! Bath time! Bath time!!!

I need to show you the most magical thing I've found on the internet in forevers:

a live web cam of a momma tigger and her four cubs.

I realize these animals sleep on an average of 20 hours per day, but sometimes I find it relaxing to tune in and just watch momma's giant ribcage expand and contract as she breathes. Every so often you'll see a little nobby head move. This morning I was lucky enough to catch bath time.

Magical.

nonono. okay. here are some things to be happy about today:

- They're remodeling the grocery store. The new fridges look nice.

- Sister in law left the toaster oven on all day by accident and it didn't burn our house down. Hooray. We still have a home and a pup!

- New couch in 6 days.

- My boyfriend doesn't have man boobs.

- I can go to bed right now. No one can stop me.

Okay. Okay okay. It's 9:30pm and I'm at home on the couch with my boo on one side and the pup on the other. I'm full of hummus and celery and tomatoes (it's predictable that in this tomato crisis, all I want is tomatoes) and it's safe to say I'm in a slightly better mood.

But still. Meh. Only slightly.

We've been zombie tired since we've come back from Michigan this weekend. I'm gonna try protein. I stopped at the grocery store and picked up some things with protein in them. ... My nutritional knowledge is embarrassingly crappy. I got protein water. I mean, among other stuff.

I think I'm going to go crawl into bed and wait for tomorrow to come. It's inevitably going to be better than today was.

I am in an extremely foul mood. I hate workplace gossip. I hate complaining coworkers. I hate passive agressive behavior. I hate it when people don't ask you questions, but rather copy your boss and theirs on an accusatory EMAIL. And I hate being falsely accused.

Fortunately you can always reply all with a one sentence statement that will make them look like the ass they really are.

I'm too nice. I've been told that a few times. I don't think I need to be that way any more.