Monday, February 27, 2012

I rode a horse yesterday and I braided his hair.   It's not easy.   Real horse hair is like straw.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I'm really scattered, you guys

I have to retract something I said about Drake a couple months back.  I still don't think he's a genius, but I like one of his songs. The Motto with Lil Wayne & Tyga is my jam this week.  Actually, Drake is the worst part of that song.  I don't know what the appeal is here, honestly.  Lil Wayne & Tyga are pretty funny.  But maybe it's only the fact that the backing track sounds exactly like what I would make in Reason. If someone separated it & told me "hey andrea I took this track you made six years ago and rapped over it."  I might be confused enough to believe it for a minute. It's nothing special.  It's just my personal aesthetic.  Like it's real close to my fingerprints.  The first time I heard it on 107.5 I took my hands off the steering wheel to clap like a seal.  And that's like the whitest most incorrect thing you can do in reaction to a song like that.   And it's one of those frustrating songs that half disappears if you don't listen to it on substantial speakers, because the low end is sooo low and it's key.  Trust me, on computer speakers or crappy headphones it just sounds like hand claps, so forget it.  You need to be in a car to hear it.

Ok, anyway, now that I've thoroughly confused my only 3 readers (mother, mother-in-law & sister-in-law) I'm going on vacation now.  Tomorrow I'm going to drive around an island on the wrong side of the road listening to that song.  And it's going to be weird.  And awesome.  I also downloaded some old grateful dead songs.  I'm having a midlife crisis or something.

I have some good news to report when we get back.  No, we're not having a baby.  It's not that.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

It's February, but the sky is blue like September

 : )

living in the diaspora

I try not to get caught up in the gross obsession when celebrities die.   TMZ & the sort get a little ill with their news reports.  For example, they posted exclusive photos of the roomservice food & chicken sandwich that Whitney Houston ordered but never got around to eating.   People are sick. 

But from all the weirdo coverage I did gather that Whitney Houston had family members with her on the weekend she died.   Her daughter was staying in the hotel with her and apparently just before she passed, Whitney's aunt had come in and laid out her dress for the grammy party the next day.  Her cousin, Dionne Warwick had talked to her on the phone earlier.  And that really touched me. 

I applaud the independence in my family & extended family, but inside, I do wish I belonged to something like that.  I can't imagine having close relationships like that with family.   I can't imagine a cousin calling me on a regular basis.  Or an aunt helping me get ready for a party.  I can't imagine traveling with people who have known me all my life.  I can't imagine having those people fully ingrained in the fabric of my life.  And, if we can, suspend disbelief for a minute and imagine these people don't drive you crazy.  You enjoy their company.  They are your best friends.

Growing up, my best friend had a big family.  There were four kids in a small house, and that house was always open with even more visitors stopping by.  We never rode in cars with less than 2 people.  Every day felt a little like a party.  Yes there was chaos.  And yes it was always a little bit of a mess, but it was good and I always felt like I belonged.

These days we're very solitary.   Sometimes I want to blame the internet.   Sometimes I blame it on white people.  But I realize I did this to myself by leaving home at 18 & never moving back.  There are people who see me every day - Who I can go to for advice.  But of those people, the one who's known me longest has only known me for seven years.  It's different.

I would love to be able to stop by to see my mom or dad after work on a Tuesday.   And then leave just before dinner is ready.  I'd love to be able to drop off my dog for a day so that she could lay in the grass in their yard.   I'd love to have a weekly standing routine.  i.e. on Sunday everyone goes over to uncle Pete's for lunch & card games or something.  Like in the book Middlesex.  You stand in the kitchen & dry dishes with your sister in law.  You pick up your conversation where you left off last week.  You know how they feel about things.

I think of the family I'll start some day.   Zach suggested having just one kid in our house.  But I don't think I could do that to a child.  Especially since we still live far away from the rest of our family.  I've seen the contrast of living in a pack vs. being alone, and I feel the difference. 

If I could change one thing about my life I'd be sure I belonged to a community of some sort again.   I think I need it badly but I don't know how to get there.

Office helpers & the push toward the finish line

I worked all night Friday and all day Saturday.  Getting everything in order before vacation.  We leave Thursday morning, but I have to start the wrap up now.  My neck is stiff from leaning over the laptop, but I feel better about leaving town.  

And it's nice to have cute office mates.  Willie is in town, and he and Toni sometimes work together to keep both sides of me warm.

Sometimes when I'm working I forget that there's an island vacation coming up.  It really is easy to get used to staring at a lit up screen in a windowless office.   Adjusting to sunlight and movement and fresh air is going to be amazing and weird and mildly sad, I anticipate.  I know it's going to be hard for me to downshift, so I'm planning on scheduling my activities within the first couple days.  Ride horses, kayak river tour, etc.  Because I know from experience that I'll be miserable sitting still and not thinking at first.  I think that'll be a good tactic to ease me in to lower gears.  By day 3 I should be better able to calm down and not feel like I'm supposed to be doing something.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

A burrito commercial just flooded me with emotions.  So beautiful. 

People will always eat meat.  I know this.  But there's a better way.
Sadly, the 2 and a half minutes when this commercial aired during the grammys is probably the most collective attention the issue of factory farming will ever garner.   

Also, Willie Nelson. I love him for using his celebrity to bring attention to all of his hippie causes. Remember bio Willie? I hope he lives forever and never stops trying.

And maybe some day everything will blow up and we'll start over doing everything the right way.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Thank GOD.

Monday, February 6, 2012

dog prozac

Last week Toni destroyed the plastic bottom in her crate.  Then we put her bed in there, and she tore that up.  Now she has to sit on metal wires inside the crate.   That didn't seem nice, so we went to Kmart yesterday & got her a nice tall baby gate thinking maybe she could just chill in the hallway.  But that's not what happened.  Instead she jumped the gate, tore up the garbage, knocked everything off the night stand & peed on our bed.

It's a good thing she's really cute.  If it weren't for the pee on the bed I'd just think today's destruction was cute.

Hooray.  We are experts in dog separation anxiety.  Why the hell wouldn't we end up with another one?

Did I mention she's really cute?

Thursday, February 2, 2012

It's like parting your hair on the other side

Look!  My blog is now backwards.  I like it better this way.  Somehow just seems ...different.
HTML can be fun.

And amazingly, do you know what else can be fun?  The DENTIST!   I just went to a new dentist and the place was so fancy and the people were so nice and personable that I didn't even care that they had to do a deep cleaning.  They just numbed me up and gave me the tv remote and I turned on the Daily Show and let them do their thing.  My last dentist wouldn't have given me the option of anesthetic, and she would've berated me for having unhappy gums & would've sent me to a specialist, telling me that my jaws are deteriorating and my teeth are going to all fall out (True story.  Not a correct diagnosis, obviously, because I still have all my teeth, but she sure did find ways to waste my time & money & keep me awake at night).  Now, with this new place, I'm actually kind of looking forward to going back in a couple weeks to get the other half of my mouth done.

I've learned something in the past 15 years I've been out on my own:

It pays to shop around.
For hair cutters, seamstresses, car salesmen, dog rescue ladies, and dentists.  Life doesn't really have to be a constant letdown.