Saturday, January 26, 2008

The pup is looking real cute on my embroidered pillow right now:

Oh wait you know I never ever posted pictures of these pillows I made! Embroidery is really fun and easy. And good for people who ride trains or are too anxious to sit still much in general. You should try it. I can show you how. I know maybe four different stitches now. Here are my pillows. There are two of them:

You're free little bird!

Andrea was here. xoxo
Today is Saturday. I haven't left the house yet and I don't intend to. January is good for that. I have a pile of things to read, pad thai from Penny's is on its way to our door and um... Miss America Reality Check is on? Is this how people get fat and socially inept? Alright, just wondering.

I want a vacation. Preferably one with a beach and few Americans. More specifically no Spring Breakers. And maybe a hut on stilts. And some pretty birds that I've never seen before. And guided pony rides. In the Western hemisphere. Any suggestions?

Monday, January 21, 2008

hello blue monday

Today is actually Blue Monday. Go figure!
Greetings from my new cubicle.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

So I'm moving to my new cubicle on Monday. I really need this to put on my desk there. Who's gonna help me out here? Anyone?

Oh look, it's past my bedtime again.

Monday, January 14, 2008

It's overwhelming sometimes.

When you're asked to put something together for a decision making process that really gives you hope. You work very hard and put in extra hours and think about ways to improve it in the shower and in your sleep. And then you come to learn that your work was never used. And it hurts your feelings, and it makes you take a step back and wonder why you care. But it really does matter to you.

And then you learn that your friend's stepfather just shot himself on his first day of hospice care with his mother in the next room. And you feel even more ashamed for worrying about things that don't matter in a grand scheme.

Your home life is wonderful and you know this. You have the means to stop on your way home to buy little presents for your dog and your Zach. And even if you didn't, they would still know how much you love them.

And you brood and live out your existential crisis the entire drive, white knuckled and squinting at the snow, until your tiny niece calls to tell you that she's looking at a picture in a frame of you and your brother in halloween costumes when you were small. And you tell her you're glad to hear from her although it makes you feel like crying.

And as you walk up the steps of your apartment you think of breaking into the bottle of wine in the kitchen, even though you know you'll be drinking alone. But you realize that each decision like this puts you one step closer to your alcoholic grandparents... and you think twice about even bringing it up because you know that your mother will read and you worry that you'll break her heart.

But you can't shake the feeling you got when you read the last email of the day, telling you that you're being relocated to a smaller cubicle. The standard joke doesn't soften the blow this time. And you feel utterly ashamed for caring.
Today was a crappy day. I don't even feel like elaborating. I'm totally de-motivated.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

a tesseract and a portable hole for 500

Crash & burn! Crash & burn! I don't know if I can take much more excitement! And the fact that there's no windows in my new office makes it all feel like it's happening in a vacuum. Time warp.

Do time warps or vacuums amplify things? Or do they just suck your brains out and squish you into one dimension? I'm forgetting my physics.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

I take that back, because I crawled back under my blankets and didn't wake up until 5:30pm today. Phew.
Gosh. Sleeping sure is hard lately.

Friday, January 4, 2008

I'm tired. Tired. So tired.

Way past my bedtime

Up late. Again. Thinking thinking. Thinking about everything and nothing. Excited about all the possibilities the next few years can bring. Or the next few weeks even. And entirely aware that everything could just as easily go all wrong.

Jobs are a funny thing. Define so much of our lives as much as we want to deny it. The people I work with - they're my sphere. We feel the same frustrations. And it's not even for the fact that the common enemy is the strongest unifier - they're my buddies, no doubt.

And so... decisions. Sometimes they keep me up at night.

Of course, sometimes thinking about things like the White Hen/7 Eleven merger keep me up way late at night too. I guess I pretty much always have this problem.

I know what's important to me. It's not money. It's people. I only wish I knew how fleeting the people qualities I seek may or may not be.

Also, you know, having a little family - meaning my Zach and my poodle... It really does make you more vulnerable in a sense. Loving things that much. I have more to lay awake and worry about. Because there's so much more that can be taken from me now than before they came along. This thing I'm describing has been covered many times in the past by writers and sailors and military dudes I'm sure, but I can't remember a single reference.

That part is totally unrelated to the jobs rant. But it spirals up there along with the mock interview questions and visions of dancing taquitos and worries about whether or not I'm capable of totally revamping my evening bedtime rituals.

Man I'm gonna be a mess tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Good startz,eh?

Wee hoo! I just re-wired my vintage lamps. They're all like new with their one-prong-fatter-than-the-other and that (I know there is a name for that newer plug. Someone speak up. What is it, grounded?). Though I left the sweet rusty patinas. Now we are all a little safer from electrical fires, and I feel pretty awesome and accomplished.

While I was busy with that and other things, Zach was re-doing our office/fort to be a highly functional cockpit of technology. We've got the dual monitors, the scanner, the printer, the tablet, the shredder, electric pencil sharpener, auxiliary speakers, mbox, midi controller and all the guitars within arms reach. And dang if it ain't cozy! Then he vacuumed the rug. Hot damn.

Earlier in the day we found a few bags of clothes to take to Salvation Army.
Right now Zach is washing out the filter to the vacuum cleaner.
Next in order for me is to alphabetize a few hundred cds and get the proper ones transferred to the komputorz.

New Years Day is always either the most productive or the least.
ps - something in our apt smells like gas. we've checked the furnace, stove, oven and water heaters but aren't finding anything. so, if we die... I leave my schwinn to Melissa because she is short. It's in the garage. Or maybe Meredith. Well, you can argue over it or flip a coin. Whatever's cool with me.
Oh happy new year and hooray! We're home from the bar and for once we don't smell like butt! Thank you 2008 - already - for your smoking ban. May all of my friends catch up with me and gain their 15 lbs this year.

So awesome. We don't even have to wash everything we wore tonight. Welcome to the future!