Monday, July 16, 2007

maybe it means i get more out of living

Maybe I've mentioned it before. It's fun from time to time, but it's really starting to drive me nuts. I dream all night, every night. This year it's gotten to the point where I sometimes confuse my dreams with reality if the dreams are tame enough. It's manageable now, but if it were to get any worse I might end up committing myself. Have you ever heard of any related disorders?

And

I realize no one ever cares to hear about any one elses dreams, but just to illustrate what I'm going through, here are my last couple nights in order. No exaggeration. In fact I'm sure there was more that I've since forgotten.


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Thursday July 12

Phase 1 – I’m at a carnival of some sort. I have a long, loosely knit dark purple scarf. The winter kind. It’s fun to play with. Then I’m riding up to the top of a ride. Something like a roller coaster. It’s jolted and I start to free fall.

Phase 2 – I’m riding to a sold out concert in a van with strangers. Somehow I know we’re privileged & will be getting in. We arrive in a gymnasium fit for an elementary school. We stay strapped in to the bench seats of the van as they’re removed from the van and roll us up to the stage. The bench seats become the “front row.” I feel awkward and restricted.

My analysis: When I wake up I mourn the fact that the purple scarf wasn’t real. No idea about anything else. This dream was stupid.
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Friday July 13

Phase 1 - Hanging out with Janess Vartanian. Childhood friend, family friend. It must be back in time. Their house is next to the Dufour’s, which in my dream some how lead me to think “It all makes sense now.” Don’t ask me what makes sense. It doesn’t make sense. Anyhow the two houses share a yard. There are a lot of cars sitting around. A lot of works in progress. I feel pretty happy. Home again. Although this combination of things never really existed in my waking life.

Phase 2 – Here’s Clare again. She’s in my dreams more often than anyone else. Childhood bff. She’s somehow fallen off the face of the earth. No idea where she is. Anyhow, in this dream I meet up with her. She’s living in the house her parents lived in when we were young. She has a baby. She’s married. I feel really upset and cheated because I wasn’t around to witness her wedding, and didn’t get to see her pregnant, or as a brand new mom, figuring it all out. She’s gained weight and as much as I strain when staring at her face, it doesn’t look like Clare to me. I feel frustrated.

My analysis: This dream is pretty realistic, though I don’t know that Clare would ever gain weight. I often feel like when I left “home” it was for good. The day I moved to college, my parents moved out of the house & town I grew up in, and there began my systematic severing of all ties. I move on, I make menial efforts to stay in contact, I lose touch, and then I feel cheated when people forget about me.
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Saturday July 14

My memory is really limited on this one since I didn’t write anything down. I do remember inventing snacks for whales, however. Whale snacks. They came in a box like milk bones. It was very exciting because until now, whales haven’t had snacks. They’ll be so appreciative. I’m so excited I wake up and tell Zach about it in half sleep.
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Sunday July 15

Phase 1 – I’m driving to school and realize I forgot to put make up on, and so I turn around to head back home even though I know I’ll be late. I’m driving through a suburban neighborhood. Can’t see over the dash board very well.

Phase 2 – I’m suddenly pushing a lawn mower up a steep & slippery hill. I notice some steps cut into the hill. Duh, that would be a lot easier. The steps veer off to a house.

Phase 3 – I’m in the house. No one is home. I’m not supposed to be there. This happens all the time in my dreams. I see two little boys & follow them through some “secret doors”. Something like Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. We enter a room. It’s not Narnia. It’s just a plain old empty room. One of the boys if playing with a superball and I try to hush him. The bouncing on the floor will let the owner of the house know we’re up here. To no avail. An adult comes in and is angry. (Dang this is going nowhere).

Phase 4 – Boss’s boss is assigning a new project to me for work. It’s a new, creative gum packaging. (I thought I got away from this?) I’m supposed to get the project started and hand it off to one of the newer employees. He’s sitting and communicating too close for my comfort. This isn’t realistic.

Phase 5 – I’m back in the secret room the little boys led me to. The girl from the Exorcist is there. Apparently this new work assignment involves working in the same room as her. She’s strapped to her bed, but it’s still really distracting, especially since she can make the bed levitate. I worry that she’ll come over into my space while I’m looking down at my work, which is spread out over the floor. I keep thinking “I hope she doesn’t spit that STUFF on me.”

Phase 6 – I’m laying in a bed. In the same room. Her demons are swirling around. I’m using all my willpower to fend them off, but some slips into my mouth in a liquid form. Then I realize I’m just in my own bed, in my own room, sleeping with my mouth open. Just great.

My analysis: I’m totally crazy and I’m sort of sick of dreaming. My life is becoming scarily like Science of Sleep and while it’s fun to know my imagination is still working, I feel like I’m losing control.
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3 comments:

  1. i just watched the science of sleep last week. i loved it and i would like a cardboard tv studio. but i don't think you are going crazy.

    thanks for coming to my "party" it was good to see you and Z.

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  2. man, i have that "sneaking into other people's houses" thing in my dreams all the time. plus i can't see over the dashboard in my car either.

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  3. And the "oh my god I haven't fed my pets in twenty years!" dream? What gives? That one is the worst!

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