The pup is looking real cute on my embroidered pillow right now:



Oh wait you know I never ever posted pictures of these pillows I made! Embroidery is really fun and easy. And good for people who ride trains or are too anxious to sit still much in general. You should try it. I can show you how. I know maybe four different stitches now. Here are my pillows. There are two of them:





You're free little bird!



Andrea was here. xoxo

Today is Saturday. I haven't left the house yet and I don't intend to. January is good for that. I have a pile of things to read, pad thai from Penny's is on its way to our door and um... Miss America Reality Check is on? Is this how people get fat and socially inept? Alright, just wondering.

I want a vacation. Preferably one with a beach and few Americans. More specifically no Spring Breakers. And maybe a hut on stilts. And some pretty birds that I've never seen before. And guided pony rides. In the Western hemisphere. Any suggestions?

hello blue monday

Today is actually Blue Monday. Go figure!
Greetings from my new cubicle.
Sigh.

So I'm moving to my new cubicle on Monday. I really need this to put on my desk there. Who's gonna help me out here? Anyone?

Oh look, it's past my bedtime again.

It's overwhelming sometimes.

When you're asked to put something together for a decision making process that really gives you hope. You work very hard and put in extra hours and think about ways to improve it in the shower and in your sleep. And then you come to learn that your work was never used. And it hurts your feelings, and it makes you take a step back and wonder why you care. But it really does matter to you.

And then you learn that your friend's stepfather just shot himself on his first day of hospice care with his mother in the next room. And you feel even more ashamed for worrying about things that don't matter in a grand scheme.

Your home life is wonderful and you know this. You have the means to stop on your way home to buy little presents for your dog and your Zach. And even if you didn't, they would still know how much you love them.

And you brood and live out your existential crisis the entire drive, white knuckled and squinting at the snow, until your tiny niece calls to tell you that she's looking at a picture in a frame of you and your brother in halloween costumes when you were small. And you tell her you're glad to hear from her although it makes you feel like crying.

And as you walk up the steps of your apartment you think of breaking into the bottle of wine in the kitchen, even though you know you'll be drinking alone. But you realize that each decision like this puts you one step closer to your alcoholic grandparents... and you think twice about even bringing it up because you know that your mother will read and you worry that you'll break her heart.

But you can't shake the feeling you got when you read the last email of the day, telling you that you're being relocated to a smaller cubicle. The standard joke doesn't soften the blow this time. And you feel utterly ashamed for caring.

Today was a crappy day. I don't even feel like elaborating. I'm totally de-motivated.

a tesseract and a portable hole for 500

Crash & burn! Crash & burn! I don't know if I can take much more excitement! And the fact that there's no windows in my new office makes it all feel like it's happening in a vacuum. Time warp.

Do time warps or vacuums amplify things? Or do they just suck your brains out and squish you into one dimension? I'm forgetting my physics.

I take that back, because I crawled back under my blankets and didn't wake up until 5:30pm today. Phew.

Gosh. Sleeping sure is hard lately.

I'm tired. Tired. So tired.

Way past my bedtime

Up late. Again. Thinking thinking. Thinking about everything and nothing. Excited about all the possibilities the next few years can bring. Or the next few weeks even. And entirely aware that everything could just as easily go all wrong.

Jobs are a funny thing. Define so much of our lives as much as we want to deny it. The people I work with - they're my sphere. We feel the same frustrations. And it's not even for the fact that the common enemy is the strongest unifier - they're my buddies, no doubt.

And so... decisions. Sometimes they keep me up at night.

Of course, sometimes thinking about things like the White Hen/7 Eleven merger keep me up way late at night too. I guess I pretty much always have this problem.

I know what's important to me. It's not money. It's people. I only wish I knew how fleeting the people qualities I seek may or may not be.

Also, you know, having a little family - meaning my Zach and my poodle... It really does make you more vulnerable in a sense. Loving things that much. I have more to lay awake and worry about. Because there's so much more that can be taken from me now than before they came along. This thing I'm describing has been covered many times in the past by writers and sailors and military dudes I'm sure, but I can't remember a single reference.

That part is totally unrelated to the jobs rant. But it spirals up there along with the mock interview questions and visions of dancing taquitos and worries about whether or not I'm capable of totally revamping my evening bedtime rituals.

Man I'm gonna be a mess tomorrow.

Good startz,eh?

Wee hoo! I just re-wired my vintage lamps. They're all like new with their one-prong-fatter-than-the-other and that (I know there is a name for that newer plug. Someone speak up. What is it, grounded?). Though I left the sweet rusty patinas. Now we are all a little safer from electrical fires, and I feel pretty awesome and accomplished.

While I was busy with that and other things, Zach was re-doing our office/fort to be a highly functional cockpit of technology. We've got the dual monitors, the scanner, the printer, the tablet, the shredder, electric pencil sharpener, auxiliary speakers, mbox, midi controller and all the guitars within arms reach. And dang if it ain't cozy! Then he vacuumed the rug. Hot damn.

Earlier in the day we found a few bags of clothes to take to Salvation Army.
Right now Zach is washing out the filter to the vacuum cleaner.
Next in order for me is to alphabetize a few hundred cds and get the proper ones transferred to the komputorz.

New Years Day is always either the most productive or the least.

ps - something in our apt smells like gas. we've checked the furnace, stove, oven and water heaters but aren't finding anything. so, if we die... I leave my schwinn to Melissa because she is short. It's in the garage. Or maybe Meredith. Well, you can argue over it or flip a coin. Whatever's cool with me.

Oh happy new year and hooray! We're home from the bar and for once we don't smell like butt! Thank you 2008 - already - for your smoking ban. May all of my friends catch up with me and gain their 15 lbs this year.

So awesome. We don't even have to wash everything we wore tonight. Welcome to the future!

Happy Xmas everyone!

Sorry I've been tight lipped as of late, but as most of my energies and time have gone into work, all I'd be blabbing about is work. And I think we all know it isn't kosher to blab too much about work on the internets. Let's just say it's got a fire under my butt and I've been accomplishing things I never thought possible.

So... For the past 24 & upcoming 24 hours I'm spending as much time as possible sitting on my couch with zach and the dog. Catching up on the internet. Catching up on Talk Soup. Catching up on moments of absolutely zero thought. It's pretty awesome.

We took our big ol area rug in to get cleaned today. Not that it looks dirty - I just know from how many foster dogs have played on it that it's got to be dirty. And as much as I think that dry cleaning is a scam, I think about what carpet looks like under a microscope and I'm willing to pay almost anyone to convince me it's cleaner than before I brought it to them.

The room looks sort of cold without it.

Also, I fell down the stairs today and smacked my head and hurt some arms and things. That whole want to cry and laugh at the same time feeling is so perplexing. I hope that in 2008 I'm less clumsy.

Talk about jinxing things. Ugh.

Jump start. I really have a need to be smart today. But I'm feeling more confused than anything. The gears are moving slowly... Caffeinating....

Not to jinx myself (for the part of me who believes in the power of jinxing matters), but I work with the nicest, most supportive people I've ever worked with in my life. When one person gets thrown under the bus, I swear it's like a family matter over here. Such a feeling of well-being.

It's really ridiculous how often I use MS Paint at my job.

It's 9:45am and I've already eaten my lunch. I hate when that happens. Ugh.

It's so hard not to be lazy on the weekends. No matter what I get done, I still manage to sleep an embarrassing amount. Some day I won't be able to do this. Some day I'll have obligations outside of work.

My phone was off the entire day yesterday and I didn't even notice.

So tired that I feel crazy. Crazy I tell you. I have tunnel vision and vertigo. And so much to do! Thank goodness I can take the train home tonight instead of driving. And I have a new long and puffy coat with a fuzzy hood, so I can wrap up lean my head against the window and sleep all the way home. Like I'm a great big blue caterpillar. Four more hours or so. Bzzzt.

Oh yay! Saturn is soon to be making a little pod car too! Yes yes come on everyone. Get into it. More little cars! More little cars!

-->annoying, flash-based Astra pre-sale page<--

I have to say the four door like the one below is pretty cute:



kind of ... golfy, no? er, rabbity? But the hatch entrance, once opened, appears to be really tiny and impractical. Just like the new volvo C30 hatch. Like you're ever gonna be able to get your surfboard, llama, xmas tree and sweet guitar amps in and out of that spot without killing one of the three of you (you, your car, or object to be transported). How can you get something like that wrong? It's the main utilitiy of a hatch back, people.

See, I should be in charge of things like this. Most especilly hatchbacks. Duh.

Gosh. I've become a really bad blogger. I'll try and maybe write something on the train on the way home if'n I'm feeling too dumb to do my work-work. Not that you're second best. Not at all. It's just that you don't pay me to blog. Work, however... Oh what does that make me?

okay okay. so the entire show embarrasses me.

um. the guitar hero scene on gossip girl? I feel embarrassed.

Advantage of having a bald-assed poodle

Tattoos!

I like that these things show up when you google image search "cool hand luke"



A hard boiled egg I can understand, but.. whatever.

I originally made this blog so that my family could join in the fun, but for obvious reasons my brother's been too busy. Dad's got his round of car sites he visits. And I suppose my mom just isn't into blogs.

That being said, I can dish on xmas presents: Today Zach and I got the nephew a tiny old-timey veleur adidas track suit in red and blue. The little striped legs are about 7 inches long and I keep pulling it out of the bag to look at it. It's funny. I mean, even too small to put on the dog. A fine example of rule of cuteness number what, seven? Fourteen? I bet that baby breaks a number of the rules.

One of the reasons I look forward to having babies: Dressing them like adults.
Another reason: Making them do the dishes. For real, there are few things I hate more than doing dishes.

Okay now that we're further into Cool Hand Luke I get the hound thing. Blue done run himself to death. Can't wait to see if the llamas come into play.

Squeeee!

Just amazing. Cuties absoluties.

Weeeeeee!

Oh dang! Zach and I are uncles! Let the cuteness begin.
More photos over here.

His name is Dominic. And he has some hair. That's all I know.

: )

Baby's coming! Baby's coming! Baby's coming!

Right now!!

Just a waitin' on a friend you see....

Still no bebe. This suspense is killing me.

Man. US Maple is really nuts. I mean, nuts in a good way, but still, some of the weirdest stuff I've ever seen or heard. Bring that back out again. The purple album is so so good.

Bizzy bizzy at work. I like it that way. Superhero or maniac? Who cares? I'm learning a lot. I'm rolling with punches. Boss's boss says this builds character. It also makes time fly.

Check it out - I'm gonna be an auntie again like any day now. Any day. A little dude for dressing up in dinosaur patterns. I'm just waiting for that call. Then I gotta arrange a trip to Cincinnatti right quick in order to sniff that baby before he stops smelling sweet. Man I love sniffing new babies, don't you?

Streetview

I just spent an hour driving through a moment in time of Chicago's Englewood neighborhood with Google's new Streetview feature. It must've been a beautiful day that day because everyone and everyone was out on their porches. I made a gallery of some of the people I saw.



Gallery --> here.

We don't have much of a porch culture in our world. I'd bet these peeps even know who their neighbors are.

Tonight we are hosting our very first dinner par-tay. Detroit style (veggie) conies & fries. Hooray!!
What could be our centerpiece?

Mmmmm. So much better than it sounds.

Pasta & Cauliflour Curry

ingreds:
* 10 to 12 oz pasta, any short chunky shape
* 1 head of cauliflour cut into bite sized pieces
* one 28 oz can low sodium diced tomatoes w/liquid
* 1 heaping cup frozen green peas, thawed
* 2 teaspoons good quality curry powder

1. Cook de pasta & drain.
2. Steam de cauliflour until tender crisp or however you like it.
3. Put cauliflour, can o' tomatoes, peas & curry in a saucepan & simmer.
4. When heated through, mix de pasta & vegetables and gorge yourself.

Stats (if you must):
7 g protein
0 g fat
0 g cholesterol
33 g carbs But who cares about all that when its so so good?


Hmmmmmm! Made my laptop bag & everything else in the kitchen smell like beautiful curries for days to come! Ahh. If you use this, let me know how it goes. Any adds, etc?

man, that was emo.

I'm alone tonight. The first days of autumn always bring nostalgia.

I can't believe Peanut is gone. Long gone. That skinny little body we worked so hard to build back up. Those wounds I cleaned and wrapped... They're all so much a part of history.

Why didn't I keep that dog? What was I afraid of?

I was young. And youth goes hand and hand with selfishness, fear of committment, uncertainty and immortality.

That pup is long gone. And if I could I would, but I imagine anyone who says they don't have regrets is a flat out liar.

I did what I could at the time. And I will always wish to have done more. For as long as I live. In every circumstance. That's how I am.

53 minutes until big meating. I'm not prepared and have medicine head.
I can do this. I can do this. Be cool.

Burr.. Autumn is here. Bust out the old old Smashing Pumpkins. They compliment each other. And headphones can keep it your secret.

ps - today is my half birthday! 29.5 yay.

What do you do when you spill coffee all over your colleauge's office & lab books? Ugh. You send an e card.



Then what?

Today my friend at work gave me garden tomatoes, and so tonight Zach and I made nachos. They were a thing of beauty. Look:



For tomorrow I have a yogurt/cucumber/tomato/dill concoction. Man, tomatoes from a garden are so exciting.

Spinal Tap skeleton t-shirts for dogs at old navy! Oh yes!

I've not been blogging.
I've been busy I guess.

They let my boss go at work. So now I have his busy. And my own busy. And the whole ordeal is a little saddening, but... sigh.

And yesterday morning I fainted at the train station & bit it & got bad boo boos & spent the morning at the doctor's office. And now I'm sore and embarrassed and bandaged and have had to re-tell the story 30 times.

And, but, last night Zach and I went to dinner at Green Zebra! All the portions are laughably small but so so great and savory. And you may spend your whole night and your whole allowance there but you leave feeling so so satiated. I've wanted to do that forevers.

I lurve him. <3

p.s. Tomorrow's crazy hat day! Super.

I just survived a round of layoffs at work. This is a new feeling. Interesting. There are totally mental benefits to not having real responsibilities, like tots or a mortgage.

Man, there's this girl at work with a perfect figure, right? She was just in Portillos and the (presumably) mentally challenged kid sweeping the floor said to her:

"Wow, you should be a mannequin."

HA! Take your compliments where you can get them, right?
Aah... I just find that very funny.... still laughing.

Feel like I havent slept in days. Though I have. I really have.

Been riding the train. Riding the train allows for a lot of reading and daydreaming. And that is cool. Maybe eventually I'll get creative.

Today we ran out of dog food. Because I leave my car out here in the burbs when I ride the train, today I'll be riding the train home reading Isaac Asimov with a big bag of kibble in my lap. And, I don't know. Maybe that might stir someone's imagination.

Power to them.

A few hours ago I ate sushi from Target Greatland. Just so you know. I'm not dead yet.

Zzzzzz

This week is maybe haircut time for Zach and I. If he's been able to set up a time for us, I just may go for the Suri Cruise. And then if I could just get her fashion down, this fall will be tight.

I know. You might think I'm kidding.

Haven't been updating. Currently obsessed with a video game, science fiction novels & Berwyn. Currently dealing with a bout of insomnia. Sleep isn't near but I don't want to pull out the game cube because Zach will come out and make fun of me. It's still hot this time of year, but change is in the air. As expected, they're dragging out the construction at the intersection in front of our house.